When I woke up, there was light in the room. I remember the last
awake for a long time after that. I don’t really know the time when I
went to sleep…
I tried recollecting the events of the previous night. I played the
game twice last night. No luck… no luck till now.
8:30 am
I live close to where I work, it’ll take me hardly 10 minutes to reach
my office, even if I slack off, I can reach the office way before my
shift begins. So waking up at 8:30 is no big deal. So I went to take a shower, skipped breakfast, as usual.
I reached my office, which is a software company. I
get a hefty salary and a yearly vacation abroad, the perks of being
the ideal son and student… I went straight into my cubicle. No one to
wish me a good day there or even smile at me. I’m used to this now.
Working like a robot, programmed to write programme codes for other robots. I hardly took breaks, apart from a lunch break common
for the office. No one came to me during the break times. I wasn’t
interested in socializing either, being an introverted loner, their
avoidance was a boon for me… and I was used to it.
my office, even if I slack off, I can reach the office way before my
shift begins. So waking up at 8:30 is no big deal. So I went to take a shower, skipped breakfast, as usual.
I reached my office, which is a software company. I
get a hefty salary and a yearly vacation abroad, the perks of being
the ideal son and student… I went straight into my cubicle. No one to
wish me a good day there or even smile at me. I’m used to this now.
Working like a robot, programmed to write programme codes for other robots. I hardly took breaks, apart from a lunch break common
for the office. No one came to me during the break times. I wasn’t
interested in socializing either, being an introverted loner, their
avoidance was a boon for me… and I was used to it.
5:00 pm
My day in the office was coming to an end. I didn’t linger around, went straight to my apartment. Apart
from the bare necessary furniture and stuff, my apartment was
empty, much like my mind. A void. I hate to say this but the fact is,
I’m a loner, an asshole at times, more like a bloodlusted monster,
craving revenge, venting it’s frustrations through violence. But where
did I go wrong. Why should I? Why should I apologize for the
monster I’ve become? NO ONE apologized for making me this way…
When my colleagues found out that I wouldn’t fit in, they drifted
away. Avoidance, is the name of the game. I was building up a kind-
of relationship with this girl in my office, that ‘building’ was much
more a house of cards, and it fell down with the slightest hint of a
breeze, and it’s destruction was completed with 2 bottles of vodka
and a packet of Dunhill, that was almost 6 months ago.
I moved on. Well, I thought I did, but slowly, I was withdrawing
myself from the cruelties of reality. I was ‘OKAY’ on my own. Not
happy, not sad, just numb. I found relief in the game². The game was
the only thing that kept me going. I had bought a console³, the most
expensive one at that. And time went on for a long long time.
from the bare necessary furniture and stuff, my apartment was
empty, much like my mind. A void. I hate to say this but the fact is,
I’m a loner, an asshole at times, more like a bloodlusted monster,
craving revenge, venting it’s frustrations through violence. But where
did I go wrong. Why should I? Why should I apologize for the
monster I’ve become? NO ONE apologized for making me this way…
When my colleagues found out that I wouldn’t fit in, they drifted
away. Avoidance, is the name of the game. I was building up a kind-
of relationship with this girl in my office, that ‘building’ was much
more a house of cards, and it fell down with the slightest hint of a
breeze, and it’s destruction was completed with 2 bottles of vodka
and a packet of Dunhill, that was almost 6 months ago.
I moved on. Well, I thought I did, but slowly, I was withdrawing
myself from the cruelties of reality. I was ‘OKAY’ on my own. Not
happy, not sad, just numb. I found relief in the game². The game was
the only thing that kept me going. I had bought a console³, the most
expensive one at that. And time went on for a long long time.
9:00 pm
Coming back to the present, my mom was the only relative I had. She
was in our ancestral home, I hardly talk to her and here I am, in a
metropolitan city, living ‘THE LIFE’, a high paying job, all allowances
met by the company and all I had to do was write program codes for
robots; and play my game; and oh, almost forgot, increasing my
bank balance was also a benefit; the perks of being a…
was in our ancestral home, I hardly talk to her and here I am, in a
metropolitan city, living ‘THE LIFE’, a high paying job, all allowances
met by the company and all I had to do was write program codes for
robots; and play my game; and oh, almost forgot, increasing my
bank balance was also a benefit; the perks of being a…
I sat in the couch for almost 4 hours and didn’t even change. I was
not ‘on’ the couch, I was ‘in’ it!
Life can be a bitch at times!
I went to the table and sat there. The console for playing was ready
there. The only thing I did for another three hours was breathe, I was
desperate, desperate to win. I checked the time, it was past midnight
and I wanted to win. So I started playing;
not ‘on’ the couch, I was ‘in’ it!
Life can be a bitch at times!
I went to the table and sat there. The console for playing was ready
there. The only thing I did for another three hours was breathe, I was
desperate, desperate to win. I checked the time, it was past midnight
and I wanted to win. So I started playing;
1st Attempt: Spin the revolver, pull the trigger… Nothing. Failure.
‘Restart game’. The clock ran for another three hours as I sat there.
Motionless.
Motionless.
2nd Attempt: Spin it again, pulled the trigger… nothing, restart again
I’ve been playing the game for almost 6 months now. At first I played
it once in a week or so. Now, desperate to win, I’ve got a ‘one in six’
chance to win. I play twice or thrice a day. I checked my phone, it
was past 4 o’ clock and I tried playing once more
it once in a week or so. Now, desperate to win, I’ve got a ‘one in six’
chance to win. I play twice or thrice a day. I checked my phone, it
was past 4 o’ clock and I tried playing once more
3rd Attempt: Spin the revolver, point at the temple, pull the tri…
BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:30 am, the next day;
“The police came to the conclusion that the victim was playing
Russian Roulette, the suicidal game. Reports are coming in that the
victim was suffering from some kind of mental illness, as the victims
social and personal spheres indicate a withdrawal from friends and
family. He hadn’t contacted his mother for almost a month. An
officer told ‘News Now’ that “…a good therapy along with
medication could’ve saved his life…”
Russian Roulette, the suicidal game. Reports are coming in that the
victim was suffering from some kind of mental illness, as the victims
social and personal spheres indicate a withdrawal from friends and
family. He hadn’t contacted his mother for almost a month. An
officer told ‘News Now’ that “…a good therapy along with
medication could’ve saved his life…”
1. Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an
experience because people are unable to relate to it.
2. Game: Russian Roulette
3. Console: ‘Colt’ revolver.
experience because people are unable to relate to it.
2. Game: Russian Roulette
3. Console: ‘Colt’ revolver.
~ Krishnanunni B
