EXULANSIS - from the pen of Krishnanunni B

 

                                When I woke up, there was light in the room. I remember the last

time I looked at the clock it was 4:30 am, I was
awake for a long time after that. I don’t really know the time when I
went to sleep…
I tried recollecting the events of the previous night. I played the
game twice last night. No luck… no luck till now.

8:30 am

I live close to where I work, it’ll take me hardly 10 minutes to reach
my office, even if I slack off, I can reach the office way before my
shift begins. So waking up at 8:30 is no big deal. So I went to take a shower, skipped breakfast, as usual.
I reached my office, which is a software company. I
get a hefty salary and a yearly vacation abroad, the perks of being
the ideal son and student… I went straight into my cubicle. No one to
wish me a good day there or even smile at me. I’m used to this now.
Working like a robot, programmed to write programme codes for other robots. I hardly took breaks, apart from a lunch break common
for the office. No one came to me during the break times. I wasn’t
interested in socializing either, being an introverted loner, their
avoidance was a boon for me… and I was used to it.

5:00 pm

My day in the office was coming to an end. I didn’t linger around, went straight to my apartment. Apart
from the bare necessary furniture and stuff, my apartment was
empty, much like my mind. A void. I hate to say this but the fact is,
I’m a loner, an asshole at times, more like a bloodlusted monster,
craving revenge, venting it’s frustrations through violence. But where
did I go wrong. Why should I? Why should I apologize for the
monster I’ve become? NO ONE apologized for making me this way…
When my colleagues found out that I wouldn’t fit in, they drifted
away. Avoidance, is the name of the game. I was building up a kind-
of relationship with this girl in my office, that ‘building’ was much
more a house of cards, and it fell down with the slightest hint of a
breeze, and it’s destruction was completed with 2 bottles of vodka
and a packet of Dunhill, that was almost 6 months ago.
I moved on. Well, I thought I did, but slowly, I was withdrawing
myself from the cruelties of reality. I was ‘OKAY’ on my own. Not
happy, not sad, just numb. I found relief in the game². The game was
the only thing that kept me going. I had bought a console³, the most
expensive one at that. And time went on for a long long time.

9:00 pm

Coming back to the present, my mom was the only relative I had. She
was in our ancestral home, I hardly talk to her and here I am, in a
metropolitan city, living ‘THE LIFE’, a high paying job, all allowances
met by the company and all I had to do was write program codes for
robots; and play my game; and oh, almost forgot, increasing my
bank balance was also a benefit; the perks of being a…

I sat in the couch for almost 4 hours and didn’t even change. I was
not ‘on’ the couch, I was ‘in’ it!
Life can be a bitch at times!
I went to the table and sat there. The console for playing was ready
there. The only thing I did for another three hours was breathe, I was
desperate, desperate to win. I checked the time, it was past midnight
and I wanted to win. So I started playing;

  1st Attempt: Spin the revolver, pull the trigger… Nothing. Failure.

‘Restart game’. The clock ran for another three hours as I sat there.
Motionless.

  2nd Attempt: Spin it again, pulled the trigger… nothing, restart again

I’ve been playing the game for almost 6 months now. At first I played
it once in a week or so. Now, desperate to win, I’ve got a ‘one in six’
chance to win. I play twice or thrice a day. I checked my phone, it
was past 4 o’ clock and I tried playing once more

  3rd Attempt: Spin the revolver, point at the temple, pull the tri…

BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:30 am, the next day;

  “The police came to the conclusion that the victim was playing
Russian Roulette, the suicidal game. Reports are coming in that the
victim was suffering from some kind of mental illness, as the victims
social and personal spheres indicate a withdrawal from friends and
family. He hadn’t contacted his mother for almost a month. An
officer told ‘News Now’ that “…a good therapy along with
medication could’ve saved his life…”

   

       1. Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an
experience because people are unable to relate to it.

       2. Game: Russian Roulette

       3. Console: ‘Colt’ revolver.

                                  

                                               ~ Krishnanunni B

Do You Remember?

Do you remember how we both used to talk madly till 2 am, daily?

Do you remember how we used to share our secrets with each other?

Do you remember how we used to fall asleep while chatting to each other?

Do you remember how you used to tell me those dumb things you do on daily basis..just to keep the conversation continue?

Do you remember how we madly wants to be the first person to wish each other on our birthdays?

Because I do remember everything we done together, but i don't think you do.

Because I still use to wake up till 2am morning, in the hope that what if you text and i missed it.

Because I still want to share my secrets with you but i don't think it matters for you any more.

Because I still use to fall asleep unknowingly in front of you, staring at your profile.

Because I still do those dumb things but it seems you aren't intrested in hearing them any more.

I don't know what i did wrong.
I don't know how i ruin everything.
But I know one thing, when ever you gonna text me next, no matter how long time after it'll come, i'll be there. Like I've always been.
For you!
Always!

An open letter to all final year student out there.

With the start of the new year, the last few months of your graduation started being end. And along with these last days of the graduation of yours, you also got that damn pressure of your last exam here at AU.
So all i am going to say to you here is just feel the every moment of Allahabad University, which you are going to spent since now. Well what if i say you've been through this moment already once? You won't believe na? I knew that, but tell me, don't you feel this same feeling during your last days of 12th. This is actually very close to that, except you are now a little more aged and experienced than that time.
Dude look I know you've been through a lot since last 2 years of your graduation. Your struggle with morning classes, undergoing with rent-seeking-hostels, chasing books in Katra market, and notes in campus ofcourse. Just few more months and all this gonna be end. I know some of you didn't get to celebrate this graduation like you deserve. Well neither you, nor we can fix this, but the thing we can do is enjoying these last few days of our graduation with all the happiness. So go and start taking those classes of 9am morning which you abounded from a lot time, sit on those benches for few more time, whom you never gonna see after this session. Chill out in the campus gardens with your friends for few last days, whom you not gonna meet after these last months. Try to sit in 'Dhoop of that bargad garden/stadium' with your friends because I know you are surely gonna miss it, we all going to miss that actually. Go and take sip of that damm chai of Yadav, and roam at the Sangam and do some more musing and chatting with your that group of idiots. And try to take some pictures of all these moments of yours including chanting illogically from canteen to corridors of the departments, doing nothing but just looking at the road from the gumbad of the English department, or trying to break-in into Muir building's tower. Just try to cover all these things in your phones, so when after these last few days your juniors took your places and this Allahabad University forget you, Along with your instagram, facebook and snapchat stories and posts AU will be immortal in your memories.

Senior who?

  Hey everyone, i desperately want to tell you all that somehow i passed my second year exams and got a great satisfying marks in that fucking viva too. And now I'm in third year of my graduation and let's come to the point directly. So here's the next story i want you to tell. This incident was so lit at the moment i even can't describe it properly.
  So it was Saturday, and like most of the college, gladly my university too celebrates holiday on Saturday along with sunday. Yet some people (including me) used to wander inthe campus even in holiday. So it was. near about mid day and i was running toward railway station to catch the train to my hometown from my university campus. And at the very first gate there was three lads who were chilling chilling around. They saw me, and shout at me, "bhai suniyo jara to". I understood what they were planning, yet i went to them, they offer me a seat and said, "tumhara hi intzar kar rhe the hm log, aao  baitho". So because i was in hurry, i refuged their offer, and decided not to stand there. One dude from them seriously got no chill, he warn me, "english ka fresher hai na? Soch liyo". And i was there like, 'wah bete wah, bap se pnga'. But he could be a Scholar student so now to play safe i asked them, "bhai aap log final year ke ho kya?" So he replied, "avhi nhi..par agle sal ho jayenge wo bhi".
Now it was my turn to check mate, so i answered him, "bhai abhi abhi campus me aaya hai, dhang se rah le. Soch juniors ko ragg krne pr ye risticate kr dete hai, aur tu senior pr hath try mar rha, proctor to tera bad me kuchh krenga pahile to tune hme hi jhelna pdega. Khair tu english ka hai na? Milyo kabhi election bad to."
Bhai kasam se jo phati thi teeno ki..😂😂😂, they asked to forgive them by saying ,"Sorry sir, pta nhi tha aap senior ho". And because i was in hurry i just left by giving a silent expression to them.

#NotInMyName : Patriotic or Anti National?

     

"The one who betray the country, push it into the drain, think worst bout the nation, should be labeled as Anti-National.

   I hope you all heard about this protest called #NotInMyName . What i know about it is, this protest is being held against continuous lynching of people because of their religion. yes, some people who called themselves Gau Rakhshak are killing Muslims, and against these incidents few people start a protest at Jantar Mantar, Delhi. The protesters just want that current central government take a quick and worthy action against all these thing that shouldn't suppose to happen in this country. And as always heat of this protest went upon social media as well.
 
   So because this protest was up to against central government, supporters of BJP(Leading Party in central government) stands against the protest. And BJPians start showing their patriotism and start calling these protester 'Anti-National'.
 
  As i define the word 'Anti-National' in the first para, these protester did nothing like that so we can call them anti national.
 
   From last 2-3 years, thing like that is start happening in our country, who ever talk a different word from government, is automatically being called Anti-National, either when Gurmehar Kaur stand against ABVP's wild nature or Someone lift up their voice to stop war between Ind and Pak. And just like always one more time this thing happen again, all the protester are being called anti national.
 
    In order of that lots of people ask a question that why we say terrorism has no religion but lynching is caused by Hindus. look man, when a terrorist stand to kill people then he don't calculate whether he is killing a Hindu or a Christian or a Muslim, but when a person stand and assume that he is a Hindu Gau Rakshakand and start  killing other people just because they are Muslims, then this is called lynching, and that is why Hinduism is being stained by it.

   Some people are also questioning that why we didn't protest for Kashmiri Pandits, and for other incidents like that, i really want to say to all of them, we were hurt every time when an innocent man, woman, kid die. we didn't celebrate their deaths, we are silent then, we couldn't stand against those incidents, but now we can, but now we can stand against the war, but now we can save so many life, but now we can unite and make our country proud again for the unity, it known for.

  And killing people on the basis of their food/religion isn't easy to digest. and if killing my own countrymen is nationalism, then sorry sir, i can't be this patriotic. Because Neither my Hinduism nor my Nationalism teach me to kill someone who is part of you country,

  would like to end this note on this special tweet of PMO India. So glad that after the protest Mister Prime Minister speak against lynchings. and i hope other will do the same too.


   Thank you for reading this note, please share this to all so everyone can know what #NotInMyName protest is, and why we should stands with it. put your thoughts about the topic and this note in comment section below.

The Great Viva Day - Part 2

  So the first question my invigilator ask to me was, "what's your roll no. Son?" And the first thing came into my mind was, "chalo ye pta hai mujhe!".
   So she pass a register to me and told me to make a signature against my name, and during that time she asked, "Did you read Bartend's essay". Ok Let me tell you bout Bartend Russel, dude this man is ridiculous. Matlab wo Shashi Tharoor ke tweet me jo "Exasperating Farrago of distortions, misrepresentation and outright lies" tha na, wo hai ye aadmi. He wrote a book, containing 12 essays, about how USA government is leading toward progressive way(in 1950). Ab koun samjhaye yha khud ki country ki government nhi smjh aa rhi, aur mai chalu America ka bhojha bhi dhou. Aur mai English Language student hu, mujhe ye kyu pdha rhe ho bc ki USA ne kya teer mara hai.
*Control Uday.. Control*
  OK so i heard that question properly, but i didn't want to answer that question so i ignore my invigilator, and act like ki maine unhe suna nhi, and passed the register towards her with following lines, "Sorry professor, you were asking something?" And guess what happened, she was still on the same fucking book. But the question is changed now, a relaxation you can say! So now she asks, "what you think, why Bartend, named his book 'Unpopular essays'?" I gave her logical answer but inside my head i was thinking, abe jab ese chutiyape likhega..to unpopular he rahega na, padhe likhe ganwar. And after 5 or 10 mins of the Q&A, she ask us to show our assignments to her. OK Let me take you in another flashback moment. As you all know these Assignments are always being finished at the very last moment of due date. But this is my story motherfuckers, it's got a twist, that never happened in the history of mankind. So we were told to do a assignment and get a signature of professor in last month of our second year, or as i can say 2 months before the exams. And due to my laziness, i didn't start writing my assignment even after being so close to due date of having a  signature on it. And the date passed. And undoubtedly i loose all my hope to get even passing marks in my Viva. So one week before the exams of language, when everyone starts preparation for exams, i got a inspiration to complete my assignment, and that was  too lengthy that it went for 92 pages and my 3 nights and 2 days too. But i don't have any signature on it, to phat ke darzan bhar to ab bhi hui thi, kahi reject kar diya..to sala 3 rat jagna bhi doob jayega.. and when the day of war came i noticed ki sab ke assignments par signature the, so I decided not to tell anyone that i don't have signature on it. And luckily my examiner didn't niticed bout that signature even when I'm the first student. That's second time i felt Hardwork really pays off, the first time when i felt it was when i born.
  So in this way the viva kept on, for almost 20min, but that 20min is as long as a Monday for me at that time. And when she done with me, she smiled at us both and asked us to go. So when i turn from my chair, i felt like, I just remove a lot of pain from my ass, it's felt awesome to leaving the room, after being fucked in whole time there. Exam halls are such an amazing place, for we boys actually, see na, we got the dick, but we are the one who got fucked.
  So after all these stuffs when we get out of the room, dude the nomber of fuckers out there waiting for us to came out is too damn high. In whole these two years, i never surrounded by these much girls and boys at the same time.. and everyone is looking at us for their queries.. and my that colleague whom i ditch for seat in the room, took his revenge, by pushimg me on the side where mostly boys are standing, and he himself went for girls, fuck you KARMA For this! And dude there's no problem in describing the scenario of room too them, the problem is i have to tell each of them the same story, by just rotating my face on their side.. it sucks!
  So anyhow i make myself out from those fuckers and went to my friends, who are waiting for their turn on another room's side. OK let's move ahead to my favorite part, so these two rooms are at the edge of a gallery, one is at opposite edge of other. So i went to the second edge where my friends are waiting for their turn, and suddenly i saw someone at the place where i just came from. And yes, this someone is a 'She'. We are classmates if English language classes for these two years, I've a crush on her from the very first day of college, and we barely talk to each other ever, the conversation between was too rare that i wouldn't be wondered if she even don't know my name, by knows her, the only thing i ask to her i think.. yeah seems so. So there's a friend of mine who desperately wants to me to be in a relationship more than i want myself to be in a relationship. And he also know about this girl, so he told me that anyhow i should talk to her, and a long enough talk to get her contact. And as usual, use dekhate hi meri phatani shuru ho gayi.. because she was also looking at me ..damn these moments, so i get afraid a lot and i really need an inspiration kinda thing to go to her, so i went to another room, and call my friend, he inspired me this much by his INSPIRATION LANGUAGE (you know which one), i even can propose my HOD right at the moment. But but but, suddenly my another friend call me, and i thought it's OK I've a lot of time, so spent almost half and hour at the room, and after drinking a liter water i prepare myself for this.. i went to that edge where she was standing.. but guess that was too late.. matlab apan ka chutiya fir se kat hi gaya. She was gone, and i don't have anyway to find her, and j even don't know  that she is gonna be in same subjects like me or not.
And i can say i got fucked uo twice in a day.
Bad Luck i guess so!

Ok guys that's it from my side. Thank you for reading me, and if you love/like this series then please share it to your friends, and share it too if you ever attend 'The Great Viva Day' like this or even not, share kar do warna sabko bol dunga tu bol rha tha Mandir Wha Nahi Banega. Tricked you ;)

  Abhi kya padh rha? nikal abhi.

The Great Viva day - part 1

So guys, as you all know that I'm going through my exams and in this way, I've to attend The Great viva day. So i did. And it was probably the funniest and scariest viva I've ever attend at a same time. You know what the worst thing is about a viva? No? Let me tell you, the worst thing about a viva is that you have to answer the questions of few humans... in a decent way, even when you know that the questions and those humans both aren't good for your health. Seriously guys, sitting in front of examiners for viva, it's like you've been pushed itno a deep and dark jungle, for search of a lion, who gonna hunt you down in anyway. Ever felt it? Ok let's move ahead, so according to my habbit, I reached late at ground zero, and just according to their habbit my university wasn't ready for the viva on that time, you know what, these are the moments that let me feel we(me and my university) are made for each other. Love birds with same habits, dafaq!
  So viva starts an hour late to its' time. In very start i was very sure that my turn is going to be at the end of the day, because they are leading it with the alphabetic order, and I've got 'S' in my name so i was very sure and thankful about it that I'm not gonna be first in anyway. But but but, here comes the surprise, in a fucking wrong way. So after the very start Peon came to us and told us that viva of half of the people going to be held in another room, and to told us to go their and check our name in the list, and as i said i always get to fucked at the right moment, my name came just on the top of the list in second room's candidates. I things this is only time when i top a list. And believe me after reading my name there on top, my feets start vibrating, my ears went as hot as a volcano. Buffff! Seriously such a hard moment. So, they(invigilators) are calling us in a pair. And the guy who is next to me was unavailable at the moment so the second next dude put his hands on my shoulders and said to me, "pahle tu ja!". I was there like, why dafaq always me. And because I've got an extra ordinary skill to convince someone, i convince that dude to walk in together. Now feel the scenario here, we are just in the front of the door, peon opened it, and on other side of the door, two lady invigilators are waiting for us, with a smiley face. Uff that smile, mine mother never gives me that smile after seeing me. It was sweet but heat of the moment was briefing it in another way. So they two was at their seat, they call us to them, one of them was Bengali, and she known as English Hitler. So what i know, that anyhow i shouldn't put my self infront of her. And this time i won. I make myself away from her, even after sitting next to her. And the guy who is mext to me take a sight to me, and i know he must be thinking, "marwa li bc me". Par kurbaniya to deni hi pdti hai.
   So the first question my invigilator ask to me was, "what's your roll no. Son?" And the first thing came into my mind was, "chalo ye ata hai!".
                                               ..be continued in part 2.

    Ok guys this isn't the end. I decided to divide the story into two parts kyuki apane ko bhi hits chahiye me mamu! So put you thoughts down there in comment, share it with your friends, if you like it, then describe your feel in comment box, and if you don't then galiya bhi dedo, bs comment karo bc. And stay in touch for the next part, a huge twist in the story is yet to come. Thanks for your time.
   Damn, i hate typing, mai ab bhi kyu type rha bc?

An Exams story.

Hey guys! Glad to back again here, as I wrote in my last Blog that I've got exams, so I got an extremely intresting story, wha happened with me in my recent exams, and I'm sure u can't be disappointed by it. So let me tell you from very start. Well when I enters in the exam hall, I was so nervous that by brain went black out. I forget everything I read a hour before(and that's all what I studied), so still I went to my desks, the copy and paper get distributed. The first thing was there to fill is day and date, and i really dont know what the  date and day that was, so I ask from the girl who was on my back side, she answered, the next column was bout filling whom subject that exam is, I'm so nervous that even I ask this to the girl that of which subject this exam is, and she was staring me Iike i murdered her family. Then I felt what i just do, i said her sorry. And after that incident I didn't dare to take a look behind. So everything is passing and then almost a hour after, my professor came in class room as a Invigilator. So he was walking around everyone, he stopped at me, i noticed him but I tried to ignor him and keep writing, he was still their for 5 min and suddenly he asks me, "From which section you belong?" I ramble a little but I answered him, "Yours!"... Dude..that reaction he gives.. I realized he gonna fuck my bio data in front of everyone. And the only thing he said there was, "but I never saw you before.." every one starts staring at me, I can't breathe properly, I really want to scream , "Apna Kam kro na bhadwo.." but I can not. An after that incident that prof. Keeps his eyes only on me.. damn I can't explain how weird it was, he was there like, his daughter escape with someone and he had doubt on me.
Uff! That day I can't forget it😂😂

I've got exams.

Tomorrow I have exams, and do believe me guys, I'm scared AF. Didn't know that 10 minute break at the start of the year passed and I reached here at exams, Gand Fat k hath me aa gyi, Pray guys, that everything go fine with me. Need you blessings, Asha hai ki mai university walo ki fadu, kahi wo meri na fad de.. 

A new start.

So in the very start 2or3 years before, I started this blog. At the start I used to out here my story, but after few posts I have to leave it. And few days ago one of my friend ask me to write my extra ordinary philosophy here, and I did. But now I'm thinking, there's a lot of people who share their Immortal thoughts here, so I decided to do that thing again with whom I started. I mean seriously who didn't like to read stories, even when they are funny, so this is it from my side today, see you soon. Until then keep spreading love.